A good friend blames me for things not going as per her expectations in her life.
Another buddy use to pour out all his woes onto me about how others ( father, brother, mother in law, wife, uncles, et al) treated him badly in life, and later a time came when he started to blame me for his divorce!
Or this guy who blames his family for his business misfortunes.
Phew, another neglecting father who blames his daughter's friends for turning his daughter into a drug addict.
If you have observed children behave, it’s very prevalent for them to blame others for things going wrong. Sadly, as they grow up to adults, this habit is difficult to die and they have a tendency to find someone to blame when bad things happen. Similarly many of us have "blame God", but we never have "blame me". So my issue today is, why do people blame their problems and misfortunes on people or groups or communities?
No matter how illogical the rationale, some people cling to the need to blame others for everything bad that happens. It amazes me that people actually find comfort in blaming others, and that they look at their negative opinions and stereotypes as being factual. These are people who don’t want blame and don’t want to risk. Such people prefer to blame others so they can relinquish all personal responsibility for both their current state of being and their inability to get out of it. They refuse to accept responsibility because it is easier to blame others for causing their reactions, rather than admit that they themselves chose them.
The thing that people don't understand is that life is a mirror. Once we start complaining about others - we should really take a look at our own core beliefs and do some self examination. People who blame others for their misfortunes do it because they think its everyone’s fault when someone does something bad to them and the person wants to make everyone upset because someone had made them upset in the past.
I'm assuming it's some kind of mental problem. Why don't they understand that it's hurtful and illogical?!!! I guess after a certain point, their mind just refuses to mature in it's thinking, leaving them mentally crippled by their own ignorance and immaturity. Always being hunted and playing the victim allows their ego's to be stroked and coddled. When others are forced into playing their game--this actually gives them the fuel to believe in their lies. Many of them often find refuge among friends, counselors, groups etc who just know one side of the story and they will agree with the 'victim' that their problems are out there instead of within.
I was reading a psychology paper where it stated that people who continually "pass the buck" or blame others suffer usually from a sense of worthlessness, or low self esteem. Sometimes this may be a direct result of improper or negligent parenting, whereby these were never able to establish a sense of self-importance which eventually translates into derivation on some level or another. Sometimes these individuals may be missing a parent due to a divorce, a death of a spouse or a parent who "ran-off" and never took the time to nurture the child. The remaining parent may be irresponsible, and fail to do their job also.
Never the less, there comes a point in every man and woman's life where they have to come to grips with these unfortunate life experiences and take responsibility for themselves. Their stubborn refusal to take responsibility will eventually mean the loss of spouse by walking out of the relationship, the loss of a job, and family members who end up turning away.
How much more difficult for them to make a choice for peace, to learn to step back and understand why they choose anger, revenge and hate. How much more difficult to try and understand themselves. So much easier to blame everyone else! Does this make them strong? No. In fact, it makes them weak. The sane people of the world are not impressed by weak people too selfish to accept responsibility for their reactions and emotions. Somewhere, some time, the forgiveness must begin. Accept that I can be more in control of those choices. I can take responsibility for my emotions, my reactions to life and to people, and yes I can change.
In contrast, other people have an attribution style which leads to a tendency to blame themselves no matter how obviously blameworthy someone else is. Right, Anita?
From one blame game to another
Nirvana to all
Vikram
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